Wednesday, October 10, 2007

One woman's story

I got an email from a reader who is having marital problems. She wants to share her story, and is looking for support and feedback.
As kallahs, we are told of the "male nature" and "a man's drives."
What happens if the man has very little "drive", and this was the reason you were not getting pregnant? How would you feel, coming home from the mikva, month after month, and have your husband reject you? He's had a long day, davening is so early, the mitzvah of mikvah puts too much pressure on him. He can't "perform" just because its a particular night.
You try and understand, be supportive. But when it happens month after month, year after year, and no babies...what are you supposed to do?
People give you broches, tell you about doctors, and assume that you, the woman, has medical issues. Inside, the pain is unbearable, the desire to scream almost overwhelming.
Divorce him? Who's to say I'd find someone else, or someone with different issues.

We do have relations later in the month, he sees a therapist, and we have also consulted with a rabbi (see below). The issue, which I had never heard of, seems to be mismatched libido.

Thanks for listening!
I'm moderating comments for this one.

My husband's (admittedly impractical) suggestion was to "fool" him into thinking she went to the mikvah earlier. I am wondering about medication that postpones ovulation.

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