There is great, silent dignity in the choice to stay married. There is also great dignity in divorcing if that is deemed best. The point is that there are those who have commented about Halachic approval on your new blog. There are those who are squeamish about this completely. I would just like all to know that we are your neighbors and friends, sisters and cousins. We do not share this with you. If this blog for us does not work out, at least I hope you will come away knowing that we exist silently among you and that our experiences are never, never talked about openly. For those of us who are experiencing it, I hope we can help each other for the time being.
Saturday, July 7, 2007
We are your neighbors and friends, sisters and cousins
In one poster's own words (via Babylox; emphasis added)
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7 comments:
I hope there's comics and jokes. Laughter helps so much. I feel such potential strength from this. B'ezrat Hash-m, it should be helpful.
This may /may not be a good suggestion but has anyone ever read the book Awareness by Adahan? It really helped me.
I've bookmarked this blog! This is a good idea.
Please send me comics and jokes if you come across them. I think I have my hands full for the moment!
I also remember that the book, "It's All a Gift" by Adahan gave many examples of women in similar situations to those described in the previous comments section.
I am 27, and my (religious, prominent in the Jewish community) parents got divorced when I was 13. My father is mentally ill and chose to not get help, as (this is part of his illness) he does not need it. I am so grateful to my mother for finding the strength to leave the situation, because as a child, WE KNOW what is going on, even if our parents try to hide it. And when they "hide it" from theirselves by not talking, it has even worse consequences...I am now almost 30 and having to learn how to be in a loving relationship from a therapist, books, and my chosson...all because I never witnessed a healthy relationship. Please, imas out there who are miserable, if you know in your heart that your husband is not a good man, and that there is no chance for real SHALOM BAYIT, do not force your children to witness the forced relations. I promise you, it works better in the end. And all of the whispers? Unfortunately, they are (sometimes) from people who wish they had that foresight!
Whether or not to seek a divorce is a very personal decision. Thank you for giving your valuable perspective.
As I've said, not always is it an issue of mental illness or being married to a person who is "not a good man." What it can sometimes be is a spouse who means well, but is dysfunctional in a marriage due to his own experiences as a child. Therapy should help, but not if the person is resistant. Divorce can be very helpful to some children and it can be more of an upheaval to others. Every situation is different. Absolutes are not helpful here. Supportive comments are.
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